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Hi, I'm Will, and yes, it's a briefcase.

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I'm still at a normal,
terrifying comprehensive,


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cos my mum hasn't scraped
the money together to send me back


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to my old, private
and - let's face it - better school.


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However, I have made friends here,
and in some ways,


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this term will be better than the last.

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And in many other ways, a lot, lot worse.

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But before all that,
my first hurdle of the new term involved


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a freezing cold day in January,
a coach and Jay calling me a bender.


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- Morning, benders.
- All rightΠ

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This is it. The Swanage field trip
is legendary for carnage.

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It's the only reason I chose geography.

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Seems like a flimsy reason -
"unspecified carnage".

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I'll tell you one thing
that won't be flimsy...

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my cock.
There's this sexy housewife down there,

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and every year
she fucks one bloke from our school.

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- How can you possibly know thatΠ
- My mate went last year. He banged her.

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He said that she was the best
he'd ever had.

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A right fit, mature bird
that does it because she loves young meat.

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Oh, bollocksΞ For one thing,
you don't even have a mate in Year 13.

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- Yeah, I do. Chris Groves.
- Never heard of him.

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- He doesn't hang out with twats like you.
- Let me get this straight.

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Your imaginary friend fucked
an imaginary older woman in Swanage,

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so you decided
to do geography A levelΠ Good plan(Ξ)

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We should have a laugh down there, though.

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We could go on a boat tripΞ I checked
online. They hire boats from the harbour.

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The Internet really is wasted on you.

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We should try and get off with the local
girls, or get some booze in or something.

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Everything we're shit at here,
but by the seaside.

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We could let off fireworks in our room.

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Could do. Might be a bit pointless.

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- Neil, what are you doingΠ
- Getting on the coach.

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- But you don't do geography or sociology.
- I know that.

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So why are you getting on the coach
to the geography and sociology field tripΠ

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Well, Jay was going on
about how mental it all was,

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and I really wanted to go, so I asked
Mr Kennedy if I could come and help out.

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- Paedo KennedyΠ He
[...]
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