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Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked)
by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew

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Smoking makes you dead.

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It means you get all black inside
and swell up like a whale,

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and explode in hospital.

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Daddy says criminals
and bad people smoke.

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Timmy? He's not bothering you, is he?

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Not at all, no,
but no ice cream in the shop.

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- I don't have an ice cream.
- I think Timmy's telling a naughty fib.

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For goodness' sake. Outside, now!

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No books for you.

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- I'm so sorry.
- Not at all.

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"'My, what a lovely carrot,'
said the hippo.

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'Yes, but is it organic?'
Said the fussy rabbit in a squeaky voice."

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Oh, sorry. (Squeaky voice) "'Yes,
but is it organic? ' said the..."

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- Bernard. Bernard!
- What?

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It's hot in the worm. Can I have a break?

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You'd shatter the magic
for the lovely children,

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so no, certainly not.

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"'No, it's not organic,' said the hippo.

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'Oh, I don't want it then,'
said the fussy rabbit." Ow.

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Ow! Look, it's a real beard, I told you!

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I'm finished.
They're picking me up for the hen night.

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A big, old house in the country.
It'll be brilliant.

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I doubt it, since your night begins
with the word "hen", prefix of doom...

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It'll be great -
all the old school gang back together.

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- I thought you hated school?
- I never said that.

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I just look at your life now
and work backwards.

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- Bernard.
- You haven't finished, worm!

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What happened to the rabbit?

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He... starved to death. The end.

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Look, I could write
a better kids' book than this.

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Pretty pictures, simple story, something
for the little tykes to really enjoy.

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See the film, collect the stickers,
play the Xbox game, eat the yoghurt.

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It'll be my gift
to children-kind everywhere.

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Everyone thinks they could write one.
It's not that easy.

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It is. They go for any old rubbish.

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- Children are actually very discerning.
- They're not, they lap up any old gumph.

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Not gumph! Let's write a children's
classic. You and me, together!

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- You two could never do it.
- We could! Before you even get back.

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[...]
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