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[ Earl Narrating ] I'd be lying if I said I wasn't
nervous about doing number 86 on my list-


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stole a car from a one-legged girl.

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You said you loved me!

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[ Ricochet ]

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[ Earl Narrating ]
I understand why she was so upset.


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That car was like a leg to her.

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If you'll just let me explain.

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You son of a bitch!

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Wow. You move pretty good
with that leg, Didi.

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[ Earl Narrating ]
And as handi-capable as one-legged Didi was...


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her no-legged boyfriend
was handi-capabler.


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Damn!

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I was starting to think that today
wasn't the day to do number 86 on the list.


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Maybe karma wanted me
somewhere else.


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And then I got a sign. Number 4-

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blew Dad's chance
to be elected mayor.


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You know the kind of guy
who does nothing but bad things...


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and then wonders why
his life sucks?


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Well, that was me.
Every time somethin' good happened to me...


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somethin' bad was always waitin'
around the corner.


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Karma.

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That's when I realized
I had to change.


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So I made a list of everything bad
I've ever done...


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and, one by one, I'm gonna make up
for all my mistakes.


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I'm just tryin'
to be a better person.


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My name is Earl.

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So how many times did this robot man
hit you with that sign?

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I don't know.
I blacked out after about seven.

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Still can't figure out
why he took my boots.


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Seems like a pointless crime.

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Man, I wish I had robot legs.

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Or robot hands.
Robot hands would be cool.

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With like, a knife finger,
and a spoon finger, and a fork finger...


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and a toothbrush finger, and a comb finger,
and a bottle opener finger...


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and a flashlight finger
and a screwdriver finger.


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But regular thumbs.
You gotta have regular thumbs.

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True.

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So, you're gonna ask your father
to run for this mayor thinger?

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If he'll talk to me.
We don't exactly have the best relationship.

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[ Earl Narrating ] That's me-baby Earl.
And that's my dad, Carl Hickey.
[...]
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