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Somethin's comin', Sarge.

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Somethin' big!

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Stay strong, men!

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The United States is due to win a war sometime.

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Oh, good Lord, it's a Swingline!

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Medic!

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Skinner!

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Uh, yes, Superintendent Chalmers?

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Do you know what today is?

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Today? Yes! Of course I do.

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Happy birthday to you, ha...

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It's not my birthday, Seymour.

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You know I'm a Sagittarius.

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Really? I'm a Libra.

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There's a lot of compatibility there.

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Skinner, be gay on your own time.

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Today is the day we choose who gets
the school's vending-machine contract.

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I anticipate quite the-dog-and-pony show.

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Sir, this school has a strict no-animal policy.

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I assume these are hypothetical dogs and poni?

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Everyone likes a gumball machine,
so why not a gumbo machine?

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Does your school nurse treat burns?

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Nope.

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It couldn't be simpler!

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Kids write down what they want,
put their money in the can,

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and I take the bus to the supermarket,

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and bring the snacks the next day.

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Is that a yes?

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Kids want a snack that skateboards,

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won't clean its room and hates homework.

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That's why we created Scarf-ables
by Scammer & Z-Dog!

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These two spokes-rebels were
invented by the marketing team

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that came up with Hip-Hopsicles,
the urban popsicle.

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Yes. I saw those when my normal
grocery store was on strike.

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Well, here's what really seals the deal.

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Slide your green into the machine
and don't expect any change, dog!

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It's like a fundraising school bake
sale with slang as the Saran Wrap!

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And a subsonic neuro-jammer disrupts
the child's judgment center.

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Fair enough.

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I assume these snacks are nutritious?

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That's really none of our business.

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The bottom line is, half the
profits go to your school or camp.

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You heard the lady.

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Just sign the damn contract.

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Wow, Krishna Krisps,
Amazonkers, Loll
[...]
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