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The first day of school. When you're
a kid, it's the worst day of the year.

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When you're a parent,
its the Fourth of July,-

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-New Years Eve and your
birthday all rolled into one.

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In fact, i just have some
back-to-school supplies.

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You know, today's the first
time in months that all-

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-the kids are going to be
out of the house at once.

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I know.

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-What, you got allergies?
-No, that's my sexy look.

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You probably didn't recognize it
without my trademark wiggle.

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Oh, yeah.

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Hell, you know what
I'm talking about.

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You see how it goes this way, and
then I bring it back that way.

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As much of a turn-on as that is,
i can't be late for work.

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Neither can I. Which is why we're
meeting back here for a nooner.

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What? You have time to
come home for sex-

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-but you dont have time to
stop last night at the Costco?

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Well, I would have, if you had met
me there and had sex with me.

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Noon, huh?
Okay, I'm in.

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Oh, look how cute you look
your first day of high school.

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Cute? No, no, no,
I don't need cute.

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I need cool.
Do I look cool? Do I?

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Relax, you're
going to be fine.

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Yeah, you're going to be fine.
You're handsome, you're funny.

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Youre just like me.

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Besides, you've got a
girlfriend so youre-

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-miles ahead of every
other freshman.

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And some juniors.

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If anyone bothers you,
just come find me.

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I know all the good
hiding places.

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Yeah, um... look,
about that, Larry.

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Since we're going to be in
the same school together,-

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-lets go over the
ground rules, okay?

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I don't know you,
you don't know me.

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Got it?

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Aw, it seems like just yesterday
I had the same conversation-

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-with Larry on his first
day of high school.

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Time really flies.

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Yeah, well, this is a new year.
A clean slate.

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And I have decided
to reinvent myself.

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I am changing my name.

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Oh, come on,
don't be an idiot, Larry.

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You mean,
"Don't be an idiot, Gideon. "

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[...]
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