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## [Italian Opera]

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# La donna e mobile
Oh, what I ate today #

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# Pasta fazul
and army gruel #

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## [Continues]

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Do you realize
that you are singing...

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two entirely different operas,
and they are both out of tune?

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- Don't blame me. I didn't write this stuff.
- As you were.

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I'm always as I were,
but thanks anyway.

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I need a volunteer
for a business trip.

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I haven't volunteered
since my draft board...

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tied me up in a gunny sack
and sent me over here.

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The 8063rd is all agog...

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over our arterial
transplant technique.

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And "gog" they should.
We're fantastic.

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You know, what you need
is a humility transplant.

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- Unfortunately, you'll never be a donor.
- How unkind.

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They heard we know how to save
a leg when the artery's destroyed...

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and the C.O. Up there begged me
to send him my best surgeon...

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- to demonstrate the technique.
- Oh, now really, Colonel.

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I'm far too busy to go traipsing
over to every MASH unit...

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that's too lazy to read
a paper on the subject.

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You just powder your buns, Major.
I'm sending Pierce.

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I thought you said "volunteers."

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- I was breaking it to you gently.
- Why me?

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- Indeed, why him?
- Yeah, why him?

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Because he's done dozens of them.
My goodness, but you boys are competitive.

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[Margaret] Hurry up in there!
Your time was up ten minutes ago!

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You leave in the morning at 0800,
so pack up your old kit bag...

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and, uh, give us a little smile.

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- I'm not so sure I love this.
- And pick a nurse to go with you.

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I'm not so sure
I hate it either.

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- Will you hurry up in here?
- Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

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- [All Clamoring]
- Ladies, ladies.

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Before you go in there and scrape off
your current layer of Korea...

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we have a request
for one doctor and one nurse...

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to demonstrate arterial transplants
at the 8063rd.

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Captain Pierce will be
the doctor...

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And one of you lucky folks
will be the nurse.

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I need someone who can explain
this procedure fast and simple.

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Someone
[...]
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