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(theme music playing)

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GOAL!

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(gunshots)

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Our Next Film
is "MEDELLIN,"

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The Ultraviolent Story
of Columbian Drug Lord Pablo Escobar

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Staring Vincent Chase
in a Fat Suit and bad Makeup

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That Makes him look like
the lovechild of Jiminy Glick

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and a case of Twinkies.

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Now at last year's
Cannes Film Festival

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"Medellin" from wunderkind
director Billy Walsh

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was all the buzz
until people actually saw it

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at the now legendary
Hindenburg of a screening

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which I myself attended.

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Now I usually try to keep
my opinions to myself

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until we actually review
a film on this show,

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but this time I got on
my feet and I booed with
the rest of the angry mob.

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I would have thrown fruit
if I'd had some.

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Richard, this is
the silliest thing to come
out of South America

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since the musical "Evita."
It's overacted,

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it's underdirected,
it's paced like a snail.

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- Did I mention it's long too?
- You did. It is.


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- (sighs)
- The year is young,
but this is a good bet


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for my top 10
of the year's worst.


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Oh, and by the way, Vince,
Al Pacino called.


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He wants his
"Scarface" accent back.


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You know, it's a real
disappointment for me
because I had Vinnie Chase


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on my list of stars
to watch in 2005.


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I think I'm gonna have him
on my list of stars to
watch fade in 2008.

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- Suck it, Dickbag.
- "Medellin" with a budget
I cannot imagine,


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is a straight to DVD release,
if you can believe it.

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It can be found at...

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Sorry, E.

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It's Okay.
Not like I wasn't Expecting it.

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YEAH, STILL, ONCE YOU HEAR IT
COMING OUT OF THEIR MOUTHS

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ON TV ABOUT YOU PERSONALLY,
IT STINKS.

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I REMEMBER CRYING
MYSELF TO SLEEP

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WHEN ROGER EBERT
SINGLED OUT MY PERFORMANCE
IN "LICENSE TO DRIVE"

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AS THE END OF THE GOLDEN AGE
OF CINEMA.

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Jacqueline:
Oh, baby, fuck critics.
What do they know?


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NOTHING, BABY.
NOTHING.

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WILL YOU MIND TELLING ME
[...]
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