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(jazzy vegas show music playing)

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(applause)

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Man: I'll tell you why.

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It's my mom's fault I'm
still single.


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What do you mean,
it's your mom's fault?

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She hates every
girl I bring home.

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Listen, you little nuck-nuck,

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Some girls you just
don't bring home to mom.

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For instance, if a girl's
ever told you to hurry up

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Before somebody
takes her corner,

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That's not a girl you
take home to mom.

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And you say to a girl
you're gonna take her

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To a football game,
and at the halftime,

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The band comes on the field

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And-and spells out
her phone number.

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That's not a girl you
take home to mom.

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No, you don't take
her home to mom.

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Right. Now if you find a girl

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Who thinks shooting the breeze

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Means wearing a mini-
skirt without undies,

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Oh-ho, don't take
her home to mom.

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Take her home to dad.

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And if her tattoos,
her tattoos are misspelled,

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Man, oh, man,
you don't try to bring

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That... You-you...

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You-you don't try...
You don't-you don't...

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Oh! Am I running this
through the shredder.

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What is... Uh...

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"you don't take her home."

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This is funny stuff, ladies.

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30 years ago, your parents
were peeing themselves

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In the tv room.

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30 years ago, you were
saying the right lines.

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I'm distracted by
these lovelies.

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They probably all got
boyfriends, husbands.

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And you,

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You got that beautiful wife,
your terpsie.

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I got nobody, knuckles.

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Never did.

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Nobody loves me.

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I love you.

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Come on. Come on. Come on.

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Everybody loves knuckles.

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Nobody loves nash.

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Ten minutes.

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Ten minutes!

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Ten minutes, girls.

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See you at the party.

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(showgirls conversing
indistinctly)

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[...]
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