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(SINGING) It seems today that all you see

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Is violence in movies and sex on TV

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But where are those
good old-fashioned values


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On which we used to rely?

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Lucky there's a family guy

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Lucky there's a man who
positively can do


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All the things that make us

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Laugh and cry

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He's a family guy

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ANNOUNCER: We now return
to How I Met Your Father.


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Oh, Barney, I'm never going to
meet the right girl and get married.


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You know, Ted,
don't you think it's kind of strange


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for a guy in his 20s to always be talking

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about getting married,
rather than getting laid?


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- Barney, I'm in love with you.
- Suit up!


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(BOTH MOANING)

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All right, come on, everyone.
Go get dressed. It's ballet night.

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(ALL GROANING)

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Lois, don't freaking put me
through this again.

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Peter, a little culture is
good for this family.

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Besides, you liked The Nutcracker,
didn't you?


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No, Lois, I did not.
The Nutcracker had zero physical comedy.


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And with a name like The Nutcracker,

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I thought,
"Oh, this'll be worth a few yucks."

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But, no, Lois, that title wrote a check

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that those queers on stage
refused to cash.

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Peter, we're going.

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Well, we're not the first people
to be dragged off against our will.

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- Are we there yet?
- No!

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- Are we there yet?
- No!

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- Are we there yet?
- Damn it, I swear to God,

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I will turn this ship around!

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- That works.
- Okay.

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- Lf you want to teach us a lesson...
- Yeah, that's even better.

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All right, if that's what you...
Wait a minute!

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You know, Meg, female ballet dancers
are famous for anorexia and bulimia and...

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It seems to work out for them.

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So... Hintedy-hint-hint.

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Boy, this is gonna be long.

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So, you kids develop
any good pot connections

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- at your school yet?
- What?

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- Yeah.
- Lois, we'll be right back.

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[...]
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