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"It seems today that all you see

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"is violence in movies and sex on TV

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"But where are those good,
old-fashioned values

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"on which we used to rely?

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"Lucky there's a family guy

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"Lucky there's a man who'll
positively tell you

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"all the things that make us

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"laugh 'n' cry

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"He's a family guy"

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- We need to talk.
- Not now. The show's about to start.

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Bryant Gumbel, Greg Gumbel...

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...brothers, bike cops.

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Gumbel 2 Gumbel, Beach Justice.

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You talk to Matt Lauer lately?

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Played 18 holes with him on Saturday.

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Told him he was soft
in the Arafat interview.

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- Oh, I like Matt.
- Me, too.

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My purse!

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Come on, Greg. Let's roll.

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Taste that?
That's the taste of beach justice.

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Are you crazy?

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Yeah, me and Dad haven't missed
a Gumbel 2 Gumbel yet.

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You're gonna miss this one, young man.

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His report card came today.

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No more TV until your grades improve.

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Now get upstairs and study.

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Don't worry. I'll talk to her.

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After I get a little bit of courage
from my old friend, Mr. Jack Daniels.

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Mrs. Daniels?

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Is Jack in?

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What?

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Oh, my God! When?

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Oh, I am so sorry.

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Poor old Jack.

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He was a wise man, but he just loved
playing with that wheat thresher.

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Always playing with that wheat thresher!

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Honey, hold still and let me bathe you.
You're filthy.

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I'm filthy?

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You're the filthy one.
What do you say to that?

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How dare you!

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Hey, Stewie, I see your bum.

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Take a good look, fat man.

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And take pictures so I'll have something
to bring to court, you filthy pervert.

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Hey, Lois, give Chris a break.
I mean, no TV?

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He failed a class,
it's not like he felt up his cousin...

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...in the garage
that Thanksgiving when I was 19.

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I want you to help Chris.

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[...]
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