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Eurgh.

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Let me see, let me see.

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Ah, the groaning board,
the teeming table,

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the endless variety of God's bounty.

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Cheffing is a truly perfect art,

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far above mere painting or sculpture.

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You can't eat a sheet of canvas
or a lump of rock.

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I don't know. You could if you were
drunk and had enough ketchup.

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- Morning, Richie.
- Do my senses deceive me?

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Has Eddie Catflap emerged
from the arms of Morpheus

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or perhaps an elephant has blown off?

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No. Right first time. It is I, smelly Eddie.

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To whiff him is to love him.

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Ready for anything,
as long as it's alcoholic.

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- Morning, Richie.
- Where's my shopping list?

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Gas mask.

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Now then,
shall we have seven courses or eight?

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Don't want do look ostentatious.

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But don't want to look like
a bloody pauper.

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Better make it 12.

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We could be like the Romans
and throw up between courses.

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Why should they get the credit
for that idea?

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I've been doing it for years.

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Morning, Richie.

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Twelve gas masks,

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clothes peg for nose, smelling salts

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and a ticket to Australia
to get away from Eddie's whiff.

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- I said, morning, Richie!
- Ah!

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I got you, then, didn't I? I got you.

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Morning, Eddie. I trust you slept well?

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Fantastic. A truly great sleep.

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On the scale of one to five -

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5,429,562.

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Sleeping face down in the toilet
is conducive to restful slumber?

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And why shouldn't I sleep
in the lavatory? You wet the bed.

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Once. I had a nightmare
that I was ordinary and untalented

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and there was
a momentary aberration.

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It's a sign of
an extra-vivid subconscious.

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It's a sign of an extra-drippy tiddler.

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Eddie, I was having a nightmare
that I was a pleb.

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It was a horrifying experience.

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I remember the night so well.

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I awoke to hear Richie screaming
into the middle of the night.

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"Ah. " His heart-rending sobs
echoing round the house.

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