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Thank you.
Thank you.

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Thank you.

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I'd like to begin -
I'd like to -

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Thank you. Thank you.

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I'd like to begin by saying
fuck Lance Armstrong.

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Fuck him and his balls

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and his bicycles
and his steroids

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and his yellow shirts

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and the dumb empty
expression on his face.

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I'm tired of that asshole.

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And while you're at it
fuck Tiger Woods too.

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There's another jack-off
I can do without.

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I'm tired of being told who
to admire in this country.

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Aren't you sick of being told
who your heroes ought to beΠ

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Being told who you ought
to be looking up to.

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I'll choose my own heroes,
thank you very much.

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And fuck Dr. Phil too.

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Dr. Phil said
I should express my emotions,

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so that's what I'm doing.

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Now, since the last time I
rolled through these parts -

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and I do roll through
with some frequency.

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I'm a little bit like herpes.
I keep coming back.

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But since the last time I might
have seen some of you folks

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I have had my 70th birthday.
So I'm at -

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Thank you very much.
Thank you.

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Thank you.

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Yeah, I'm now 70 years old,
and I like 70.

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Not as much as I liked 69.

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Well, 69 was always
my favorite number.

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Now I figure I'm 69
with one finger up my ass.

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But now that I'm an old fuck

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- and that's what I
consider myself to be -

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an old fuck.

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Old fuck is a very special term.

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It's not like old man.

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Old man is different.

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Old man isn't really a time in
your life or a period of years.

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It's an attitude.
Old man is a point of view.

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It's a way of looking at things.

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Some guys are old men when
they're in their 20's.

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You've met guys like that.
They're just wired like old men.

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Not me.

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Not an old man
and not an old fart

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because an old fart is kind of -

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What I am is an old fuck.

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It's kind of like a fat
[...]
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