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So, after waiting 5 hours for Joey's aunt
to get hooched up enough to pass out.'

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We had full access to her
infinity pool and hot tub.

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Of course we forgot our swimsuits
but that didn't stop us.

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And that's how they invented tan jellos.

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Chastity, I was a little sick last week

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are tan jellos like a
slang word for something?

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Sorry ladies,
but this story is NC-17.

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I can't serve it to minors.

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Just because I moved from Ohio doesn't
mean I'm some... naive little farm girl.

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My neighborhood was pretty sketch.

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You wouldn't believe the number
of prostitutes who'd been
hanging around our cul-the-sac.

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Oh, that is so cute.

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You brought a little kitty for...
nap time?

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It's my lucky charm.

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Okay, you got me.
I use it to smoke heroin.

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Honey, something's wrong?

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I'm in the middle of a major crisis.

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Chastity thinks I'm a goody goody
which means the whole school will

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That is a major crisis.

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Ranks right up there with
the global recession and the
collpase of the Artic shelf.

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Let's turn on the radio,
see if Bono wrote a song about you.

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Sarcasm never helps, you should
be proud of yourself, Bianca...

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Good reputation can take you places,

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in politics, in business,
in this house.

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Dad, we're in California now.
Home to medical marijuana,

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the Kardashians,
the pantieless crotch flash...

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Good girls don't sit
at the popular table.

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Maybe it wouldn't bother you so much

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if your self esteem wasn't based
on what other people think.

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See, that's why, you,
have no social life.

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I need to change my image. I'd
narrowed it down to getting a lip side

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dye my hair pink,
or dressing like a Pussycat Doll.

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No face piercing,
no alternative hair colors.

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No put... what's a Pussycat Doll?

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Multi-hyphenates strippers who sing

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Why don't tell people you are a groupie

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Or one of those White House interns

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Or some idiot who gives
birth to a baby at the prom

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and didn't even know they're pregnant.

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That is a genius idea, dad!

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