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110 - The Baby Shower

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Let's be honest.

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Sometimes there is nothing harder in
life than being happy for somebody else.

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Like lottery winners or extremely
successful people who are 27.

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Then there's that hell on Earth...

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that only your closest friends
can inflict on you...

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the baby shower.

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You could not drag me to that thing
if you put a grappling hook in my mouth.

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I think it's sad the way she's using
a child to validate her existence.

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Exactly. Why can't she just use sex
and a nice cocktail like the rest of us?

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I'm happy for her.

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If I see another crepe paper stork,
I'm gonna rip its cardboard beak off.

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Can I ask you,
would any baby shower bother you...

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or is this one worse
because it's Laney's?

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Laney Berlin.
You can't really describe her.

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You just had to know her.

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Chances are eight years ago
you probably did.

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So help me,
she fucks on my couch, she buys it.

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Isn't that how
you got the couch from me?

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Laney, show us your tits!

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Give it a rest!
You guys have seen enough of my tits.

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Tits! Tits! Tits!

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Laney did A&R for a record label...

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or, as she used to call it,
sex with an expense account.

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Every time she went on a scouting trip,
she came back with some hot new group...

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and a gynecological condition
no one had ever heard of.

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Those things make so many public
appearances, they need a booking agent.

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Look at her, the poster girl
for low self-esteem.

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I have low self-esteem,
but I express it the healthy way...

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by eating a box
of Double Stuff Oreos.

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She's so sad.

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Take it off!

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Samantha and Laney had
a long-standing rivalry.

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Both wild, both sexy...

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both incredibly insecure.

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Two years ago, Laney did
the most shocking thing of all.

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She met a Wall Street
investment banker, married him...

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and moved to Connecticut.

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That wasn't supposed to happen.

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She was supposed to have sex
with Sid Vicious and move to heroin.

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It'll be fun. We've never even been
to vi
[...]
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