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There's an old joke.

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Two elderly women are
at a Catskill mountain resort.

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One says, "The food at this place
is really terrible."

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The other says,
"I know, and such small portions."

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That's essentially
how I feel about life:

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full of loneliness, misery,
suffering and unhappiness...

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and it's all over
much too quickly.

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The other important joke for me...

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is one usually attributed
to Groucho Marx...

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but it appears originally in Freud's
Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious.

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It goes like this, I'm paraphrasing:

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I never want to belong to any club that
would have someone like me for a member.

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That's the key joke of my adult life
in terms of my relationships with women.

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Lately the strangest things
have been going through my mind...

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because I turned 40, and I guess
I'm going through a life crisis.

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I'm not worried about aging.
I'm not one of those characters.

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But I'm balding slightly on top. That's
about the worst you can say about me.

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I think I'm going to get better
as I get older.

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I think I'm going to be
the balding, virile type...

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as opposed to the distinguished gray.

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Unless I'm neither of those two.

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Unless I'm one of those guys with saliva
dribbling out of his mouth...

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who wanders into a cafeteria with a
shopping bag, screaming about socialism.

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Annie and I broke up, and I still
can't get my mind around that.

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I keep sifting the pieces
of the relationship through my mind...

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examining my life and trying to
figure out where did the screw-up come.

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A year ago we were in love.

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It's funny. I'm not a morose type.
I'm not a depressive character.

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I was a reasonably happy kid.

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I was brought up in Brooklyn
during World War II.

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He's been depressed.

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- Suddenly he can't do anything.
- Why are you depressed, Alvy?

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Tell Dr. Flicker.
It's something he read.

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Something he read, huh?

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- The universe is expanding.
- The universe is expanding?

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The universe is everything,
and if it's expanding...

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someday it will break apart,
and that will be the end of everything.

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What i
[...]
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