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It all began
on New Year's Day...

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in my 32nd year
of being single.

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Once again I found myself
on my own...

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and going to my mother's
annual turkey curry buffet.

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Every year she tries to fix me up with
some bushy-haired, middle-aged bore...

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and I feared this year
would be no exception.

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There you are, dumpling.

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My mum, a strange creature...

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from the time when a gherkin
was still the height of sophistication.

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- Doilies, Pam? Hello, Bridget.
- Third drawer from the top, Una...

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under the mini gherkins.

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By the way,
the Darcys are here.

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They brought Mark with them.

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- Ah, here we go.
- You remember Mark.

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You used to play in his paddling pool.
He's a barrister, very well off.

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No, I don't remember.

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He's divorced, apparently.

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His wife was Japanese. Very cruel race.
Now, what are you going to put on?

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- This.
- Don't be silly, Bridget.

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You'll never get a boyfriend if you look
like you've wandered out of Auschwitz.

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Run upstairs.
Laid out something lovely on your bed.

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Great. I was wearing a carpet.

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Her e she is.
My little Bridget.

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- Hi, Uncle Geoffrey .
- Have a drink?

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- Come on, then.
- Actually, not my uncle.

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Someone who insists I call him "Uncle"
while he gropes my ass...

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and asks me the question
dreaded by all singletons.

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So, how's your love life?

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Super. Thanks, Uncle G.

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Still no fellow, then, eh?
All right, then.

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You career girls can't put it off
for ever, you know.

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Tick-tock, tick-tock.

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- Hello, Dad.
- Hello, darling.

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- How's it going?
- Torture.

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Your mother's trying to
fix you up with some divorc
[...]
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