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BRIDGETΨ It all began
on New Year's Day...

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in my thirty-second year
of being single.

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Once again,
I found myself on my own...

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and going to my mother's
annual turkey curry buffet.

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Every year,
she tries to fix me up...

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with some bushy-haired,
middle-aged bore...

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and I feared this year
would be no exception.

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There you are, dumpling.

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BRIDGETΨ My mum--

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a strange creature
from the time...

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when pickles on tooth picks...

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were still the height
of sophistication.

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Doilies, PamΠ
Hello, Bridget.

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Third drawer from the top, Una.

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Under the mini gherkins.

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By the way, the Darcys are here.
They brought Mark with them.

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BRIDGETΨ Ah, here we go.

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You remember Mark.

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You used to play
in his paddling pool.

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He's a barrister.
Very well off.

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No, I don't remember.

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He's divorced, apparently.

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His wife was Japanese.
Very cruel race.

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Now, what are you
going to put onΠ

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This.

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MUMΨ Oh, don't be silly,
Bridget.

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You'll never get a boyfriend...

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if you look like you've
wandered out of Auschwitz.

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Now, run upstairs.

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I've laid out something
lovely on your bed.

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Tsk. ΩSighsΦ

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ANDY WILLIAMS SINGINGΨ
You're just too good to be true

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Can't take my eyes off of you

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BRIDGETΨ Great.
I was wearing a carpet.

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UNCLE GEOFFREYΨ There she is.

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ΩSingingΦ
My little Bridget

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Hi, Uncle Geoffrey. Ha ha.

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-Hmm. Had a drinkΠ
-No.

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NoΠ Come on, then.

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BRIDGETΨ
Actually, not my uncle.

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Someone who insists
I call him uncle...

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while he gropes my ass...

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and asks me the question
dreaded by all Singletons.

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UNCLE GEOFFREYΨ
So...how's your love lifeΠ

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Super. Thanks, Uncle G.

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Still no fellow, then, ehΠ
I don't know.

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You career girls.
Can't put it off forever.

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[...]
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