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No, I think your retainer is sexy.

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I do. You just gotta remember to clean it
after lunch.

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Hey, Jake,
how about you and me going out--Π.

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Okay, now I have a question for you.

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If I needed a lung
and your dad needed a lung...

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...who would you give your lung toΠ.

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Well, now see,
I wouldn't have to think about it.

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Jake, I'm talking to you.
Don't give me the hand.

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Hang on. I'm talking to a girl.

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Sorry. Oh, no, that was nobody.

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That's it. Time to get a new kid.

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Hey, Alan,
you wanna catch a movie tonightΠ.

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Can't. I am taking a lady
to the Hollywood Bowl...

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...for a romantic evening under the stars
with Michael Bubl...

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...and three runners-up
from American Idol.

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What's in the bag, a nooseΠ.

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No, it's a picnic basket.
Fried chicken, bottle of merlot...

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...and my autograph hound
in case I get lucky.

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-Why don't you take Jake to the moviesΠ.
-No, I don't like him anymore.

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Okay, then why don't you take
one of your many...Π.

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Oh, let's call them girlfriends.

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Yeah, I could...

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...but, after the movie,
I bring them back here...

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...after I get them here,
I get them upstairs.

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After I get them upstairs,
I gotta get them to go home.

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It just doesn't seem
worth the effort anymore.

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It's possible you might enjoy your dates
if you went out with women...

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...who are capable of using their head
other than a place to rest their ankles.

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What are you sayingΠ.

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T oo subtleΠ.

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I'm saying you might have a better time
if you were seeing someone...

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...who had a fully formed personality
or was even remotely age-appropriate.

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-Define "age appropriate. "
-Forty.

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Are you out of your mindΠ.

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Come on, Charlie.
The woman I'm seeing now is 39.

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We have a wonderful time
because we have so much in common.

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We can talk, we can share,
we can laugh.

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Talking, sharing and laughing is fine
but what about her earsΠ.

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-What about themΠ.
-Ears never stop growing, Alan.

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And I like a nice, taut lobe.

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