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1
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My name is Jack McCall.

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If you can hear me,

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what you're listening to
is not the sound of my voice.

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It's the sound of my inner voice,
the one inside my head.

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I'd like to talk to you, but I can't.

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Because if I say
just one more sentence out loud,

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I'll die.

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Aaron, I have got
a very important assignment for you.

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Go to Barneys and get me six dozen
pair of cashmere blend socks,

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40 % cashmere.

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No, I'm gonna wear 'em,
but you're gonna buy 'em.

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Do I need six dozen pair
of cashmere socks? No, but listen.

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Hey, "need" is a tricky word.

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Think about it more like this,
"want" or "love" are better words.

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Think about it.
Don't we do everything out of love?

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How about this?
Do you want, need or love yourjob?

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Well, I love the idea
that you need yourjob. Okay.

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Three white witches watch
three Swatch watches.

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Which witches watch
which watch switch...

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Okay.

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Daddy's gonna hold you
'cause Mommy needs caffeine.

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Baby, I don't know
if I can work with, "Whaah!"

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Oh, look how happy he is
with his mommy.

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- Yeah.
- Yes, he is. He's a mama's boy.

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- No, he isn't.
- Yes.

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There's nothing wrong with being
a mama's boy. I'm a mama's boy.

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- Oh, my God!
- What?

28
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Shaq snuck in the house
and shit in the baby's diaper!

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Hey!

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Excuse me, you think
maybe I could cut in front...

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I will run you over dead
in the parking lot.

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Dead. Dead. Dead.

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Hello?

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What? She's in labor?

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Well, tell her to stop pushing!

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Look, I can't miss
the birth of my first child!

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I only went out to get some coffee!

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Go ahead.
Expectant father coming through!

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I got a baby on the way! Thank you.
Thank you!

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Congratulations, man! You're the man!

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Thank you so much!
Thank you so much.

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Twins? It's twins!

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I'm having twins. I'm having twins.

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Thank you. It's on the house?
Thank you so much!

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- Thank you. Thank you.
- Congratulations!

[...]
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