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- Five minutes, Sarah.
- I'm just gonna go and have a quick snack.

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Ladies and gentlemen,

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please welcome Sarah Millican.

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Hello.

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Thank you very much.

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Thank you very much.
What a lovely warm welcome.

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- Thank you. How are youΠ Are you wellΠ
- Yes.

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Excellent. Thank you very much
for coming to my show.

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Er, it's much appreciated.
I was gonna start off with a bit of advice.

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I'm not really very good at giving out
advice. I'll give an example of how.

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I was in a supermarket and I saw
this young couple wandering around,

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and the girl said to her boyfriend,
"Have we got everythingΠ"

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And he said, "I think so. "
And I looked in their basket

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and all they had was a bottle of ros
and a cucumber.

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And I just thought there's no way

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they've got everything else
they're needing for a salad.

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And what I should have said is,
"Lube, love.

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"That's what you need.

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"Lube. "

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But I didn't.

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She's gotta learn the hard way.

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The bit of advice I've got is
for the ladies in the room.

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I've discovered, as a woman, how you know
whether or not you're overweight.

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It's during the throes of passion
when your partner picks you up,

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whether or not they say
"One, two, three" first.

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It's my favourite joke.

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It's getting less funny
as the days go on.

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Thank you for coming to the show.

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The show is called Chatterbox,
cos that's kind of what I've always been.

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Talking was sort of the only thing
I was criticized for at school.

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Er, I mean by the teachers.

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I was criticized by the other kids
for loads of things.

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Something of a nerd.
It's really hard to believe, isn't itΠ

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Oh.

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I think it's quite cool that the thing
I was criticized for is now my job.

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That's quite cool, isn't itΠ
Fuck you, teachers.

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Just hope the same fate
didn't befall the school bike.

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At an early preview
a man came up to me and said,

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"Is your show Chatterbox
based on the film ChatterboxΠ"

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I had no idea that there was a film called
Chatterbox, so I got in and I goggled it.

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Such a film does e
[...]
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