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1
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-- We need a new brush.
-- Nonsense. That's a marvellous brush.

2
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I've had it 14 years. It's only had
two new heads and three new handles.

3
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93 million miles to the sun.

4
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That's how many miles this brush has done.

5
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When you consider what a tiny speck
this planet is on the c--cosmic landscape.

6
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Isn't it marvellous that the VAT man can
find his way to my shop whenever he wants?

7
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He can't fault my double--entry bookkeeping,

8
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but I view his visits
with a sense of fore--foreboding.

9
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"Fore--foreboding"?
Two fours is eight--boding.

10
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I'm double--entry talking now.

11
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When Old Blue Eyes sings about
The Wee Small Hours of the Morning,

12
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it's obvious he never worked in a shop.

13
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I know your sort. If I didn't tur--turf you
out of bed of a morning,

14
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you'd be there till gone seven.

15
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It's marvellous, isn't it?

16
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The difference in lifestyle
between me and Frank Sinatra.

17
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But did he find true happiness?

18
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I don't know, but he had a good look
in some interesting places.

19
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-- Ava Gardner.
-- It's pronounced Av--a Gardner.

20
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We used to say if you're going to
'ave a gardener, she's the one to have!

21
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Mind you, on second thoughts...

22
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I'm busy with my first thoughts!

23
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Before you let your mind wander,

24
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make sure it's not too weak
to be out on its own.

25
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On second thoughts, she'd be the kind
of woman who'd be very expensive.

26
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She wouldn't be satisfied
with a packet of tights at cost.

27
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No, not that lady.
She would demand a c--crippling discount.

28
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Oh. Did you see that?

29
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At the thought of erosion into my profit margin,
my fingers lost all sense of grip.

30
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Pick 'em up.

31
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Oh. Honestly, what am I doing with my life, eh?

32
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Grovelling around on the floor
picking up Ava Gardner's tights.

33
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-- Don't crease them.
-- I'm never likely to!

34
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When I think of the tights
that have been through my fingers,

35
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it's time I had one with a leg in it.

36
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Granville, you're always the same
of a morning. Full of desperate talk.

37
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I reckon it's the fluoride
they put in the toothpaste.

38
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I think it's imbalancing your hormones.

39
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Or maybe you're not regular enough
with your sh--sh...


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