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(# Kasabian: Club Foot)

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(Cheering)

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Ladies and gentlemen...

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please welcome to the stage...

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Russell Howard!

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(Cheering)

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Hello!

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Well!

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Well, well, well!

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That was a fairly nice welcome.
Thank you very much!

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l love it here. l love Brighton, it's fantastic.

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What l love is how people go,
''Fuckin' watch out! lt's full of poofs.''

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''And?''
''They'll get you!''

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- ''They'll get me?''
- (Laughter)

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''They're gays, not ninjas.

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- ''They're not gonna...''
- (Laughter)

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''..leap out of the window, bum me and
escape on a death slide, l'll be all right.''

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- lt's not like that!
- (Laughter)

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You don't drive into Brighton and have gay
men banging their wangs against your car.

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Stop it, you beasts! (Honks)
Stop it!

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# l am what l am!

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Cock-waggling bastards!

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(Laughter)

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There's just a few of them
and they're very nice.

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l like it here. You had a good day?
How's Brighton? ls it fun?

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What's the best thing about Brighton?

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- (Man) Leaving!
- Leaving?

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(Laughter)

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Well, it's gonna be a lovely gig
when the crowd are funnier than l am!

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''l'll deal with this everybody.
Leavin'. Have that.

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''l'm Terry. l don't fuck around
with my heckles. l just get the job done!''

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(Laughter)

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- What do you do, mate?
- l'm a sales manager.

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Oh, you're up there?
What do you sell? How aggressive.

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''Whatever they fuckin' want.
That's what l sell.

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''Oi! Old lady!''

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''Yes?''

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''You're gonna buy an iPhone, all right?''

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''Yes.''
''You're gonna buy five of them.''

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''OK.''

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She's quite a crippled old lady.
You son of a bitch!

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- What do you sell?
- Mercedes.

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Mercedes?

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- Do you fuck! Look at you!
- (Laughter)

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''Mercedes!'' That's just the name
of one of your prostitutes.

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''Mercedes, Debonair...''

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The Brighton pimp.

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[...]
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