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New York City. Home to one million
exciting, eligible, single men...

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and four cold and slightly cranky
single women.

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Well, this is good. We're actually
crossing water to meet men.

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Reminder, I am not going
to Staten lsland to meet men.

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I am going to judge them.

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A perk of being a minor celebrity

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is that you get invited to major events.

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Like NewYork fire department's

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annual calendar competition.

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This is a long way to go to watch

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some firemen take their shirts off.

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I'm on the ferry.
I better see more than pecs.

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I'm freezing!

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I don't understand

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why they couldn't hold the competition

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in a bar in Manhattan.

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They have firemen

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on the Upper East Side too.

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And they only put out top-notch fires.

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Look at how small it looks.

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Who would have thought
an island that tiny

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would be big enough
to hold all our old boyfriends.

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He loves to cook
and can whip up a great baked ziti.

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He's from engine 275, ladder 133,

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way out there in Queens.

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- Is he hot?
- He's a six.

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on a scale of how many?

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His name was Bill Kelley.
He was a divorced politician,

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campaigning for New York City
Comptroller.

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And the token male judge.

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- Watch the firemen.
- I'm more into cops.

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He's a dancer and married.
Sorry, ladies.

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His wife Maria said he's a good guy
but he works too hard.

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Work that belly!

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Ladies, over here.

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oK, they don't make cosmopolitans,
it's a Staten lsland iced tea.

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- Is that like a Long lsland iced tea?
- I think so.

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Hello, I'm drunk.

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Do we have to be this close?
It's embarrassing.

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- You gotta be in it to win it.
- I'm moving back.

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I can't see the cute firemen
from back there without my glasses.

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Why do you even care?
You have Steve.

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I do not have Steve. There is no
having of the Steve, we're just friends.

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We're just friends.
I don't put my dick in you.

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Another one of these
and I might l
[...]
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