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1
00:00:01,734 --> 00:00:03,601
Do you have
a head injury?

2
00:00:03,667 --> 00:00:05,267
I need a job.

3
00:00:05,334 --> 00:00:07,801
It's not like the world is
just shelling out cash money

4
00:00:07,868 --> 00:00:10,934
to see me do
my confrontational
spoken-word performance art.

5
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,167
There were two people
at my last performance,

6
00:00:13,234 --> 00:00:15,501
and one of them rushed to
the stage to give me a hug.

7
00:00:15,567 --> 00:00:17,133
Mom thought
you needed one.

8
00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:19,767
And I can't ask my mother
for any more money...

9
00:00:19,834 --> 00:00:21,033
...or you.

10
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:23,167
If I had it,
I would give it to you.

11
00:00:23,234 --> 00:00:25,634
I can't believe
Sexy Boss Man
hasn't paid you yet.

12
00:00:25,701 --> 00:00:27,400
Don't you gotta get
your crapmobile fixed?

13
00:00:27,467 --> 00:00:30,100
I do have to get
my crapmobile fixed,
but my boss...

14
00:00:30,167 --> 00:00:31,200
Sexy Boss Man.

15
00:00:31,267 --> 00:00:33,534
My boss says
the checks don't start

16
00:00:33,601 --> 00:00:36,167
- until the training is done.
- You're not fully trained yet?

17
00:00:36,234 --> 00:00:39,000
They have an expert
coming in from out of town
to work with me.

18
00:00:39,067 --> 00:00:41,200
He's supposed to, like,
vet me or something.

19
00:00:41,267 --> 00:00:42,801
- Out of town?
- China.

20
00:00:42,868 --> 00:00:44,200
For a temp agency?

21
00:00:44,267 --> 00:00:46,834
Hey, how about we talk
about your new job?

22
00:00:46,901 --> 00:00:49,801
This restaurant is supposed to
pay the best tips in town.

23
00:00:49,868 --> 00:00:52,968
When we graduated art school,
we swore two things:

24
00:00:53,033 --> 00:00:54,968
No more underwear-stealing
boyfriends...

25
00:00:55,033 --> 00:00:57,801
What was it
with those guys?
We were like magnets.

26
00:00:57,868 --> 00:00:59,634
...and no more waitressing.

27
00:00:59,701 --> 00:01:02,067
That's before
the student loan fairy

28
00:01:02,133 --> 00:01:04,000
left a little some-some
under my pillow.

29
00:01:04,067 --> 00:01:06,100
There are tons
of other day jobs.

30
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:08,501
You know all those times
I got arrested protesting?

31
00:01:08,567 --> 00:01:10,934
Turns out there's such a thing
as a permanent record,

32
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:12,300
and they really
do look at it.

33
00:01:12,367 --> 00:01:15,033
OK. So where do I have to go
for the free fries?

34
00:01:19,601 --> 00:01:22,300
Lacey. The Booty Chest?

35
00:01:22,367 --> 00:01:24,634
[groans] The pirate-themed
sports bar

36
00:01:24,701 --> 00:01:26,267
with scantily-clad waitresses?

37
00:01:28,367 --> 00:01:29,834
Arrr!

38
00:01:29,901 --> 00:01:32,901
Lacey, you're
an independent, politically
active woman of today

39
00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:35,667
working at a den
for middle-aged gropers
and frat boys?

40
00:01:35,734 --> 00:01:39,367
This independent woman
of today is paying off her
crushing student loan debt

41
00:01:39,434 --> 00:01:41,701
with tips from
middle-aged gropers
and frat boys.

42
00:01:41,767 --> 00:01:43,701
It's like turning
bad money into good.

43
00:01:43,767 --> 00:01:45,634
Oh, my God, you hear that?

44
00:01:45,701 --> 00:01:48,267
It's Simone De Beauvo
[...]
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