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www.titlovi.com

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ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
please will you welcome onto the stage

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Simon Amstell!

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(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

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(AUDIENCE WHOOPING)

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HeIIo.

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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

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(MAN WOLF-WHISTLING)

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Thank you.

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How are you? Are you okay? You aII right?

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WeII, this is fun, isn't it?
This is sort of a fun thing to be doing.

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This is fun. It's fun, right?

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I'm quite IoneIy. Let's start with that.

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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

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Nothing can be done about it,
peopIe of DubIin. Nothing can be done.

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I bought a new fIat about two years ago.

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In this fIat, in the bathroom,
there are two sinks.

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I thought that wouId bring me some joy.

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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

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It is a constant reminder.

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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

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And so what I've had to do...
This is what I'm doing now in my Iife.

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I'm actuaIIy doing this.

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I'm using both sinks.

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I now, every day,
brush my teeth in the Ieft sink,

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and in the right one, mainIy cry.

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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

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I think the probIem comes from the inabiIity
to be pureIy in the moment without fear.

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I think we're aII stuck in the past,
and Iooking to the future.

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And it's in the moment where true joy exists.
It's in the moment where Iove can occur.

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It's onIy in the moment where
you can be fuIIy at one with the universe.

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I was in Paris recentIy,
with a new group of peopIe,

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one of which was quite a sort of
kooky, interesting girI,

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aIthough, in hindsight, not that interesting.

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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

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I aIways get fooIed.
I aIways think, ''Oh, she seems fascinating.''

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Is she, Simon?
Or does she just have short hair?

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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

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CompIeteIy fascinated, and I'm thinking,
''Oh, I'II taIk to her for the rest of my Iife.''

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Bored after 10 minutes.

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''You shouId grow your hair
and stop misIeading peopIe.''

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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

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So she suggests,
at about 3:00 in the morning,

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that we aII run up the Champs-EIysee,
to t
[...]
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