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All alone. Everybody else is out
recording their DVDs.

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I've got an idea.

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(UPBEAT POP MUSIC)

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Subtitles downloaded from www.SubsMax.com

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(AUDIENCE HUBBUB)

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ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the stage Stewart Francis!

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(APPLAUSE)

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(INAUDIBLE)

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Wow.

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Yeah! More!

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(CHEERING GETTING LOUDER)

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Oh, my God...

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Thank you, thank you so much for
coming out tonight.

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I hope it doesn't prove to be
a waste of time for you.

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Goodnight.

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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

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ANNOUNCER: That was Stewart Francis!

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For Stewart Francis merchandise

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and upcoming dates,
go to stewartfrancis.com.

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Please don't drink and drive.

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That, my friends, is a small sample
of the kind of fun we're gonna have

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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

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over the next five and a half hours.

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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

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I'm only kidding.
We're not going to have fun.

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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

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It's not that kind of comedy show.

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This is a lovely venue,
you're a fantastic audience,

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I've got some pretty good gags.
Shall we?

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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

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All right then. This comedy bus is
going to Giggle Street.

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They say if you're nervous,
just picture the audience naked

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unless you're doing a kids' show.

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Got a lot of couples here tonight.
I love blind dates

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'cause you can stare at their tits.

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Nice, yeah.

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(APPLAUSE)

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Some of you are like
''Hey, you can't make fun of the blind.''

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Watch me.

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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

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This is a dream come true
for some of you.

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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

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I just hope I don't disappoint.
I don't think I will.

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I pride myself on doing a good job,
I'm a bit of a pre-fectionist.

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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

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This may come as a surprise
to some of you.

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(YELLING)

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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

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[...]
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