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1
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Am I gonna get fed?

2
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There's like a table,
I'm leaning on it,

3
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I feel like I'm alone
in an airport.

4
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What's the second question?

5
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God, that's a great question.
Uh...

6
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Let me see that.

7
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:30,796
I'm curious if you're just
making this up at this point.

8
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I will never be seen
on camera nor my voice heard.

9
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It's one of those things where
you kind of have to reiterate

10
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the question and the answer.
Hey, then you have
a shot at a hit.

11
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Do you think emotionally
questionable people

12
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:42,508
are drawn to stand-up
slash performing?

13
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It was a way for me to deal

14
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with my chronic shyness
and introversion.

15
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I'm crazy already, so don't try
and make me the responsible one.

16
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:52,284
Or are they done in
by the life

17
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that opens up to them?

18
00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:56,622
I don't know if all comics
go through this, where you go,

19
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"I'm never gonna be
funny again.

20
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I don't know how
I was able to go this far."

21
00:01:01,162 --> 00:01:03,429
But I always assert
that the funniest people
aren't comedians,

22
00:01:03,431 --> 00:01:06,598
just like the best-looking girls
aren't models or whatever.

23
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,700
You'll meet people
that are shoe store salesmen

24
00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:10,402
that'll fucking
knock you over.

25
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And then it's just my job
to sit there and yell at drunks.

26
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And that's kind of
the difference between
comedy and theater.

27
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But I can do that.
I'm from a large family.

28
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It's okay if I use all that, right?
Use whatever you want.

29
00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:25,451
You know, here's the thing, that
you can use whatever you want

30
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because what's gonna happen?

31
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You're gonna get people--

32
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They're gonna not call me?

33
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They're already
not calling me, so--

34
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so it doesn't
matter what I say.

35
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The Mexicans, the Jews,
the Blacks, the Irish.

36
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Not a lot of funny Germans.

37
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It'd be much better
if you were mediocre,
'cause if you were mediocre,

38
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then you would actually have
to get good at something else,

39
00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:47,840
and you know
[...]
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